Post by professormcgonagall on Nov 23, 2016 17:44:59 GMT -5
How do you deal with the anger? I feel like I get irrationally angry when I see people complain about having to pump, their baby keeping them up all night, or being pregnant. Logically I know that being pregnant and having a baby has its challenges and I don't necessarily understand them. But I'm over here just thinking that I would give anything to experience that with Alex. And I feel terrible for even being angry that they are complaining or just expressing frustration. Is this normal or I am I just a bitch?
ETA: I am not a bitter, angry person. I never have been. I just really don't want to turn into one so I am curious how you have dealt with this
This is totally normal. You are certainly not a bitch for feeling that. Losing a child gives you a completely different perspective on what's "hard".
*LC mentioned* When we found out Elizabeth will not survive after birth we completely stopped complaining about Charlotte, our 1 year old waking up in the middle of the night. I would give anything to have Elizabeth wake us up in the middle of the night. * I also think it's important to allow people to feel what they need to. Losing a child is by far the hardest thing I've ever had to walk through. But, it doesn't negate other's struggles. I know you know that. It helps to have people who are close to you who you can vent to. It helps to text/talk to my friends and tell them how irritated/angry I am.
Post by professormcgonagall on Nov 23, 2016 19:30:15 GMT -5
I do understand that everyone has their struggles and I am happy they haven't been through the same as me. I don't say anything to anyone, I just try to go past that post. I have unfollowed some people on facebook and that's the best way I have been able to deal.
Post by heartpresidents on Nov 23, 2016 22:43:33 GMT -5
Sometimes I just have to get ragey and vent to someone. Usually my sister or a coworker. Because people suck and our situation sucks and if you ask me, we're allowed to be angry about it. I am a relatively positive person so it's actually hard for me to admit to others sometimes that I'm mad, but I have my "safe" people who are understanding and don't judge.
Post by fknhostile on Nov 25, 2016 10:40:03 GMT -5
I don't think that makes you a bitch at all!
I actually get jealous when people complain. Like, I wish I could complain about that kind of stuff right now.
I get angry at myself. I get mad that I complained about being sick so much or worried about having 2 under 2. I would give anything to be sick and worried again.
I do get angry when people around me talk about their friend, sister, whatever having a baby. Don't get me wrong... I'm happy for them. I just don't want to hear about it. I think I'm being a bitch too when I feel that way.
I've had moments like that but more on the "irritated" side instead of angry. I think these feelings are totally normal.
The past few days I've had a bunch of pregnancy announcements and lots of cute baby pictures on Facebook due to Thanksgiving family get togethers. I've had pangs of envy but I'm also happy that my friends and family aren't going through what we are.
On the IF boards I've seen a lot of people say that just because someone has gone through infertility/loss doesn't mean we can't ever complain about pregnancy/caretaking stuff. I try to think of it like that... Just because we have suffered a loss we DO look at things differently and if/when we ever have more children we will probably complain less, but we still have the right to complain. Pregnancy is hard and parenting is harder (from what I hear).
Anyway... I think your feelings are valid and part of processing your situation. I would urge you to self monitor and if you feel like your anger is out of proportion to the situation to think about talking to a professional.
Post by peaseblossom55 on Nov 29, 2016 13:17:40 GMT -5
It is so hard not to feel angry. I did and still do. Like April mentioned, TTC, pregnancy and parenting can be hard, but it can be hard not to complain and it doesn't mean the person isn't grateful.
I found my anger stemmed more from sadness and jealousy. If it was someone I didn't know who I overheard complaining, I tried to imagine what obstacles they overcame in pregnancy or in life to get where they are. If it was someone I knew, I was quite honest although most people I knew were respectful of my situation.
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