Support by husaband May 27, 2018 7:41:07 GMT -5
Post by salenaj on May 27, 2018 7:41:07 GMT -5
Someone asks, “What do you do when your husband doesn’t understand infertility and the hurt that you are going through, or the sense of urgency in trying to get pregnant?” I cried. A lot. I researched obsessively and told him all about it. That’s about it. And let me tell you, it did not work well. For a better answer, I thought I’d have my husband share some of his thoughts. We hope they’re helpful.I want to fully admit there were times I wanted to give up. Infertility is so freaking scary. It is one of the hardest things a couple can go through, and no one ever should tell you (or your husband) that it’s not okay to get really upset.If you’re going through infertility, you can be sure that your husband is hurting a great deal. Despite what our culture says, being a father is a desire that most males have. Any threat to fulfilling that desire is difficult and frightening. Although we don’t always show it, husbands inherently care very deeply for our wives, and we want desperately to “fix” any problems bothering her. But infertility is a problem that we cannot fix on our own. Once you factor in the shame that often accompanies infertility, facing it head-on becomes a very unattractive option for a man.My point is that the lack of urgency and distance may be a natural reaction from your husband to avert the pain, as if it will go away if he ignores it enough. We sometimes irrationally hope that it just might fix itself or that other alternatives will arise in time. This tactic of avoidance obviously doesn’t work, but it’s something we often try.My only advice here for women is to please be patient. Infertility is very painful on an emotional, spiritual and physical level for us men, and it takes time to process the gravity of the situation. If your husband is not taking an active role in supporting you, it may be a defense mechanism. If you truly believe he is not feeling your urgency whatsoever, you need to have a very real and serious conversation with him. You are traveling through a valley together, and it requires all of the both of you.